Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Seven months, my darling boy

Dear Bear
How I wish you were here today - to celebrate your big 7 month anniversary. I know we would have done something fun in the sun. Maybe a bit of a play in the park, and then a chilled afternoon hanging out with all your friends. It would have been magical. You would have been here, and I would have been smiling and everything would have been right.
I used to wish so many things. So many small, irrelevant things. But now, it's just you. I know wishing is futile, but I do it anyway, because there aren't that many ways that I can show you my love.
I am thinking of you always my precious boy. I wish so much that I had been able to tickle you today, and kiss you and watch you smile and grow up into the perfect boy you should have been.
Everyone here loves you.
Lots of love
Your Mummy x


  1. Happy 7 months little man....

    hugs to your mummy.

  2. What a lovely mummy you have little Bear.

  3. Thinking of you all Alice. I hope you're being kind to yourself.
    It's 3 months since we lost our little boy - in fact we found out recently that he probably passed away the very day we heard you on Radio 4.
    I'm so, so glad you're still fighting the cause for more late-pregnancy antenatal care. It may have made all the difference to us and I hope we can support you in any way.
    Hope your meeting with Mr Cameron went ok & you gave him what for!
    Your words of wisdom and humour really do help keep us sane!

  4. My dear Alice, I have read your blog for the first time today and my heart goes out to you. The sadness is unimaginable and the sheer effort of getting from day to day must be so very hard. I hope it is of some comfort to know people are thinking of you and wishing for you to find some peace from your thoughts.
    I wonder if you have heard of Mindfulness? It is the practice of learning to pay attention to the unfolding of our experience, and being present to it, non judgmentally and with compassion to ourselves. Jon Kabat Zinn, who set up the centre for mindfulness in Massachusetts, describes mindfulness as practicing "being" and to live life as though each moment counts, and could be lived with, even if it was a moment of pain, sadness, despair or fear. In practicing moment to moment awareness of ones unfolding experience, it enables the complete owning of each moment, be it good, bad or ugly; the essence of living.
    Jon Kabat Zinn can be researched and has several lectures available on YouTube. Mindfulness courses run in London and having attended a course by Jyoti Nanda at Regents College, I would recommend her caring approach. I hope you find this helpful and not an intrusion. With very best wishes.

  5. Dear Alice,
    I think about you and Bear a lot.
    Much love
    Jamie T

  6. Bear is beautiful and your love for him transcends through every word you write. I understand...somehow. Sending you and Toby enormous strength and very best wishes X

  7. Dear Bear, it seems to me that your gorgeous little chubby cheeks were just made for tickling. It is such a great shame that you are not here with us now.

    There's a massive hole in your mummy's life now you're not there. Your mummy's a strong and inspirational lady, so she seems to cope. Just.

    The rest of us, who watch helplessly from the sidelines, pray for a sprinkling of magic stardust from somewhere, (anywhere)to lighten your mummy's days just a little.