I received a lovely message asking for a picture of Pearl. Here she is in all her characterful glory. She is an amazing girl. Full of punch and laughter and she has the softest hands in the world. It's a cliche, but it's true - she's brought joy back into our lives. This little soul, who smiles all day long, has healed our hearts and helped return us to our old selves. Of course, we will never really be those old carefree people who didn't really know about grief and loss. The fact remains, that we will never get to watch Bear, our little boy, grow into the the handsome man I know he would have been. It does help though, having a new life to nuture. And Pearlie is just perfect. I hope this gives some of you some hope. I know I remember always feeling so far away from happiness. That happiness became a notion, and a state of mind, that felt as though it was denied to us. But happiness does come back. And when it returns, you appreciate every last drop of it's brilliance.
Alice, it is so lovely to see your baby and to read your words of hope. Right now I feel like you did - so far away from happiness. It's been eight months since my little boy died. You describe that feeling so well, so terribly accurately. Thank you for giving me a reason to hope. And, your Pearl is absolutely gorgeous. What a smile! I can see why she has brought you such joy.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you feel that way. Alexa has done the same for us. <3
ReplyDeletei read your blog after losing my second daughter May, who was stillborn in December 2010. I have just come back to it and am so happy to see that you have had Pearl - she looks like her brother! I have an 8 month old boy called Owen now (he's my number 3 after Eve and May) and I agree with every word you say. He will never replace May, but he is a little miracle who makes our lives better. Thanks for your blog.
ReplyDeleteShe is beautiful - and she DOES look like Bear. I have not had a stillbirth but had six early pregnancy losses and finally, after 8 years, had a wee boy through donor eggs. So I don't know the pain that you have had but I understand just a little of the joy of having a living, breathing, squealing, giggling baby after going through sadness. I'm so happy for you!
ReplyDeleteShe is beautiful. Just like her mummy, daddy and big brother. Congratulations to you and Toby. Xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks, my daughter was stillborn 10 months ago. We are waiting for a year mark to try and conceive again because I feel like I'm still grieving so much I'm not sure if it would be healthy for me to be pregnant and so sad at the same time. This gives me hope though for the future...I very much hope that things get better.
ReplyDeleteSooooo beautiful, I have followed your blog after my daughter's loss in March 2011. We now have 'Harry', who like Pearl has brought light back into our lives and has smiled since the day he was born, those dark days & nights back in 2011 now seem a lifetime away and yet we will never forget, Bear & Mia and all the other 'Little Stars'.
ReplyDeleteMerry merry Christmas X
I am glad you have had some happiness back into your life. I lost my little boy Sebastian at 38 weeks in September 2011 and then went on to have 2 miscarriages plus my partner walked out on me never to talk to me again. I thought my life would never get better and that I would always be a grieving mother. I miss Sebastian so much. Then I met a lovely man who made me smile genuinely again and I have just entered the 3rd trimester with a bab boy, I am terrified I will lose him but thankful I am nearly at the end of this pregnancy and may get my rainbow. I am on heparin, aspirin and couple of other drugs and hoping that this time I will have a baby born wide awake, a borther for my beloved Sebastian. So pleased you have found happiness again.
ReplyDeleteHi Alice, I found your Blog yesterday night when i was really sad remembering my son, i really needed some hope to hang on and then i read almost all of your post. Your life story is truly inspiring to me and mums like us. It's been 2 months and 3 weeks i lost my first baby boy at 37 weeks due to cord accident, yeah very recently, I am a grieving mother, I cried, Smile and found peace and hope through your blog. Your both kids are beautiful. Congratulations to all of you. Thank you for giving all of us a hope.
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