Monday, 17 January 2011

The Radio

One of the reasons that grief is so tiring, is the constant chatter in your mind. My brain seems permanently wired to both long and short wave messages. One half, lets say the long (tiring) wave, is constantly set to Bear: loss, sadness, what could have been. While the shortwave frequency picks up everything else. The usual stuff. The thoughts of old.
Both halves send messages to my inner ears constantly. They live together in some sort of (un)peaceful coexistence and I am the one who tries to filter the noise.
Bear is always there.
On occasions when I am trying to cook, or say, drive, the shortwave station kicks in.
But Bear is always there.
I look at a beautiful view across a river. Or I put flowers into a vase.
Bear is always there.
Sometimes, only Bear is there. And that, is when I get some peace.

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