Thursday, 13 January 2011


If you are here, I am sorry. Not because I don't want you. You are here, because you are in pain too or you are sharing this with me beyond the blog.
First things first. I think you will agree that my little boy was a bit of a stunner. A mother can say that. Mother. I adore writing those two simple syllables. Mo-ther.
I don't often get to boast that I am a Mummy too.
I have a son.
Do you know, I have never said those four words out loud. So many things are snatched away when your baby dies.
I will fill you in on the birth story one day when I am feeling stronger. It was, despite the morbid assumptions, the bright light against all this darkness. Now I know how people feel, in winter, on the North Pole.
There have been tears. Utter sadness. Advice. Love. Nearly one hundred letters of condolence. Deep, heavy despair. Laughter (surprising, but true). And so many more things that the evil witch brings with her.
I hope I can offer support to those who need it. And to everyone else - it is nice to know you care. I did not think I would be starting another blog so soon. I thought my fingers would be greased in Sudocrem. Not back on the trusty keyboard.


  1. I'm so sorry to find another angel family on blogspot. Bear is so beautiful. I understand every word in your first post because my daughter Anabelle was born sleeping too, last June. I cannot believe it is nearly a year. I hope you find blogging helps. My blog has been in so many ways my sanctuary and sanity, somehow I process some of my head there. Just wanted to send love, Caz x

  2. I just happened upon your blog and, like I do with all of the stillbirth blogs I come across, I intend to read the whole thing.

    All I can say too. Haven was born this February 16. She died Valentine's Day. You are right, you don't often get to say you're a mom when your first is born still.

    I just wanted to say that Bear is just gorgeous. I love his pudgy little cheeks and belly. Beautiful!