I've been desperate to put up this picture. I don't know why. Maybe it's a stamping my feet statement. I was pregnant. I was that beautiful round, big house for my darling boy. Now, my body is boring and wobbly and I don't feel those wonderful kicks. I know it is kind of mental to suddenly want to display my bump. But hey, I'm not exactly in a rational place right now.
Please, enjoy the roundness! I loved it so, so much.
Such a beautiful photo. Please try to remember that your precious Bear died in a place where he knew, where he felt wanted and very much loved and could hear his mummy's reassuring voice. This is hard for me to remember as my darling daughter passed away in February this year. I was 9 days overdue and her little heart stopped during labour. They don't know why. You're so right this is the cruellest kind of loss and it certainly isn't where I thought I would be right now. Thinking of you xXx
ReplyDeleteWell that is one lovely round bump. Seems like Bear looked a lot like his mummy too.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. Showng your bump sort of as proof of his existance. You ARE a mummy!
This is the kind of loss I would never ever wish on anyone! It's too much hurt for a human being to go through.
hugs
Maria
x
A beautiful momma!
ReplyDeleteI found your blog....well I am not sure how I found your blog. But I just wanted to tell you I can relate to how your are feeling. Sometimes you just want to scream "HEY I WAS PREGNANT AND I AM STILL A MOTHER." Big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful bump. Looks like Bear had a nice little cocoon there! :)
ReplyDeleteYou carried your beautiful Bear every moment of his life, and that truly is a bump to be proud of. I have been stopping by to "check on you", will be thinking of you this weekend x
ReplyDeleteAmazing photo! I was truly a house--you, however, look adorable!!
ReplyDeleteWe hope the sun is shining on all of you today x x x x x x Juliana ANDkevin
ReplyDeleteDearest Alice, you look so very beautiful here. I think about you more than you know and send you so much love. J xx
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ReplyDeleteYup you were very very definitely pregnant. There really is no mistaking that bump for too much curry and some fizzy or non-fizzy beer. or even my PMS water retention :-) If it's not too shallow in the circumstances, I agree with Molly, you looked absolutely great on it, although I do find it amusing that your knees and feet have turned in in some vain attempt to support the huge destabilising weight to the front of you. I've never been pregnant, presumably this stance is a necessary adjustment to keep you upright?!
ReplyDeleteIn truth, I suspect noone has forgotten you were pregnant, even if it feels like it to you. All those hundreds of people that know you, but who don't know you well enough, haven't forgotten you were pregnant, they just don't know what to say. Forgive them. Because what do you say? everything sounds glib. In some respects, your blog gives the wonderful gift of anonymity to those who'd like to show that they are thinking of you but afraid of saying the wrong thing to your face and making you sad. Of course we might get it wrong and post something toe-curlingly inappropriate, but better that than say it to your face, at least you could just delete the post. I know this is absolutely true because I have started to post a comment on Freddie Mercury many times and then deleted it all, it just seemed superficial, too jovial for your 'situation' - not enough gravitas (thank goodness that it's not live time chat, its the equivalent of a mix of Tourettes and a recurring stutter)
But in the end - buoyed as i so often am by some white wine on a Saturday night - i just decided to type it and hope and pray that you wouldn't take offence.
Yes you were pregnant. You are a mum, because you have had a child, a cute little boy. Tragically, he died. You share your grief with lots of mums who have lost their boys. Lost them as babies or lost them as adults, I suspect (but thank goodness don't know) the pain is very similar.
You may well have another child at some point, but Bear will always be your first born. and he will have taught you stuff about yourself in the nine months you were together and the lifetime that you aren't together but you should be.
Maybe you will be pregnant again one day. I for one hope so, you have great literary genes to pass on. I am in awe of some of your posts. Your writing about your awful situation is really beautiful. Maybe its because you are a journalist? however it comes about, i know from reading some of the comments that you are bringing others who have lost children some relief in seeing some of their own feelings expressed so eloquently. And for me? well I have never had a child to lose, but your blog keeps me grounded to appreciate what I do have on a daily basis. I really, really hope that it helps you as it does others.
I have strayed monumentally off-topic. sorry. yes you were pregnant. And welcome to the wobbly body club (i have a few years start on you, even if haven't been preggers). Time to start sourcing one piece swimsuits...
Virtual stranger hugs. hang in there. xx
this is a beautiful picture - glad you posted it. I heard you on radio 4 a few weeks ago and you had me in floods of tears. I can only imagine what you are going through but I think of you often and salute you for writing such an honest and painfully touching blog about your gorgeous boy.
ReplyDeleteWhat an incredible picture. And, it is not mental to want to show it off. I too started adding pregnancy pics to my site. Right after, I lost my son I deleted all my pregnant pics from FB, but now I want people to know I was pregnant with a big ol' belly just like yours. It is beautiful.
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