Thursday, 12 May 2011

Another cruel blow

I can't really talk about the in's and out's at the moment, but our lives have been hit again.
Again, we are in a dark place, where something we want so desperately, has been snatched away and we are left feeling confused and sad, and thinking about what a mess has been left in the wake of Bear's death.
I don't really know why I'm posting this, as it's kind of pointless talking about a subject I can't, and don't yet want, to divulge that heavily on.
Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself. And believe me, I have the right to indulge a thousand times over....
Life can be so, so hard.
I thought there was a thing called karma. I thought if you took a whole lot of bad, then a nice serving of good would follow.
I was wrong.


  1. So sorry for what you are going through. Will keep you in my thoughts.

  2. Please don't apologize for posting anything. I know how much writing has helped me survive, I know how important it is. I'm so sorry darkness has hit your family once again. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. I'm sorry to hear that. Thinking of you.

  4. Four months after Griffin died my Grandfather did. I really felt that the world was punishing me for something. At this point I was extremely ill, being told that I might then be infertile, all of my friends seemed to have dumped me and my husband had just moved back to London for work.
    I'm not trying to compare but to say that I understand a little bit.
    Thinking of you, and hoping the new disappointments and heartbreaks stop so you have a chance to gather yourself and lick your wounds a bit.

  5. Keeping you close in my thoughts, just let em know if you want a listening ear or a hug. xxx

  6. So sorry, whatever the loss you are now faced with in addition to the loss of Bear. I know the feeling. My baby girl was stillborn at 40 weeks in October then just recently (April) I miscarried what I thought was to be our 'Rainbow baby'. It hit me hard and took about a month of anger to get through it. I'm finally starting to feel less angry but it's still hard to understand. ((Hugs)) and feel free to email anytime.

  7. I'm so very sorry to hear you have had more bad news. Thinking of you xx

  8. I'm not sure about karma. Or 'quotas' of happiness and unhappiness. Sadly, sh*t seems to happen to people who don't 'deserve' it. (although equally, I'm not sure anybody 'deserves' what you & your other half have been through over Bear..) So there's really no saying that even this is the end of the black in life. no guarantee.

    Am very sorry, sure thats not what you want to hear at the moment. But I am 99% sure that things will get a little easier soon. And I'm 100% sure that every person who follows this blog is willing for a little sunshine to come your way. You've brought a voice and hope to many who are suffering through the same awful experience. Have got everything crossed that the pain and confusion eases and you can see a little more of the wonderful things that you do have.

    In the meantime, I wouldn't beat yourself up - if you can't indulge in a little self-pity on your own blog, well where can you? ;-)

    Virtual hugs from someone you've never met, but is willing you on every step of your journey. xx

  9. Dear Alice. I found you through the article that was in The Times on April 16 and kept it ripped out and stuffed in my diary for a moment when I knew I was feeling "strong enough to read it". I lost my son Michael in Feb of 2005 and even though I am in such a better mental place than I was then I still find that reading stories like yours just hit me hard in the heart. The pain of loosing a child is something that never diminishes although your ability to cope with everyday life does.

    Whatever is happening to you right now I wish you the strength to see your way through and send all my hope that better things are around the corner. Through loosing my son I "met" a collection of online friends who had also lost their babies (I had never met anyone before who had lost a child at birth).... these people I had never met truly were the ones who helped me the most work my way through loosing him (and the lucky but very very scary process of subsequent pregnancies- some successful others not). Like the previous person I want to send you a hug from a very sympathetic stranger who also hopes for good things for your future. xx Holly

  10. Dear Alice, keep heart. Love Faith

  11. Oh poor poor sweet thing. It is unbelievable that you have had to suffer yet more sadness... you have had enough for a lifetime. My heart hurts for you and I can only(uselessly)hope that things improve. For what it's worth I send you all my love and thoughts and if I could do anything, anything to help I would. You are very brave... Bear will be proud of you R xxxx