We are in flux at the moment. Neither here nor there.
Our living situation is not exactly sorted (we are currently living out of suitcases at my parents), but we hope that this is part of a master plan to get a big, stonking house. The house will be great when we're in it, but in the meantime, we have to live in a state of disarray and that does nothing for my mental state.
What I've noticed recently, is that lots of people find it very easy to help us look forward to our (hopefully) positive future. It isn't too hard to say, 'Soon you'll be in the house', or 'There are lots of babies ahead'. But what they don't understand is that in the meantime, we need to live through all this rubbish. The everyday is getting me down.
My job is good. I like being in an adult environment and it is a useful and fun distraction.
But I think it makes me feel worse in my Alice Time. It's as though I spend all my 'smiling vouchers' between 10am and 6pm everyday during the week, that when it comes to relaxing, I seem to be in a permanent state of moodiness.
I am not particularly good at change, at the best of times. We've sat back and laughed at all things that are now different, and how, isn't it strange that six months ago, we were in such a different place. We don't laugh in a funny way. We laugh in surprise.
The thing is, I don't want to be all different, and moving forward, and planning the future.
I want to be back in our lovely flat, with my lovely baby, living my lovely life that used to be such fun.
That's really all I want. And I cannot have it.
I'm not good at accepting things I can't have.
So I'm grumpy. If you can't tell.
Over and out.