We spent some time, last night, planning Bear's tree planting. We'd be kind of putting the whole thing off. Well, it isn't exactly what you want to do, at the end of a long weekend. You know, plan the day when you put your son's ashes in the ground. It wasn't something we wanted to face.
But somehow, we managed to muster the guts, and now we think we have a nice service planned. A few people will say things, we've found some nice readings and poems and I hope we do our boy proud.
It wasn't long, after Bear died, that we decided to do his tree planting on his six month anniversary. At the time, it seemed like a poignant choice. And it still is, but it's a difficult one too. We hadn't quite realised, back then, how difficult his monthly anniversaries are. They rest heavily on our hearts, and the thought of all that extra emotion, exactly six months after he was born, seems almost impossible to comprehend.
I want to use this entry to thank every person who has left comments recently. I will try to reply personally to as many as I can, but please know how each one touches me deeply.
Hearing about mothers whose babies died many many years ago, is comforting and daunting in equal measure. I love how closely they still hold their missing children. Knowing, how this will shape our lives forever, though can be almost too much to comprehend. At least I know that Bear will always be with us.