So much is going on at the moment. New job, mid-house, changes everywhere. And amidst the madness, my heart still knows that Bear is what really matters.
He might not be here, but his presence is everywhere.
How can we have lost our little boy?
How did this happen?
I still don't have answers.
I look at myself, sitting at my new desk at work, and I seem to be completely composed. And yet, on my own, when I see beautiful things, when I hear about sad stories, when a gust of winds catches me the wrong way around, I'm broken. Tears, confusion.... Just in a cloud of Bear. And nothing else matters.
My two-dimensional life is very confusing. I can no longer predict my emotions. It's as though there is a Bear steam train always waiting to chug out of the station, taking me with it on the saddest journey of my life.
I sound like an utter wreck. And yet I can seem completely normal. That's the thing about this crazy, tragic story. Nothing is as you expect it. And I still don't know where the spirit of my darling boy rests.