Friday, 22 April 2011

Boxes and bubble wrap

We're in the midst of moving. I am in a zone, and so when people ask how I'm feeling about leaving, I'm more consumed with whether my vases will smash, rather than anything overly sentimental.
In my head though, I'm crying.
I'm crying, because soon, I'm not going to be able to say, 'Oh, put it in Bear's room.' Or, 'I'm just going to sit in Bear's room.'
Because we're leaving Bear's room....
We still have his things, his chair, his pictures and keepsakes, but there is something about him also having a physical space in our home that I find hugely comforting.
I know he's coming with us wherever we go. And that really, his room is no more special or poignant than anywhere else on this earth, I just like being able to refer to it, like a normal Mummy, in conversation.
It sounds crazy I expect, but everytime I see his little chubby Bear face, I feel a surge of love. Love, and then sadness.
This journey, with all its twists and turns is so unbelievably cruel.

2 comments:

  1. Its awfully cruel and I can't imagine leaving Matthews home, in fact I found it hard to go on holiday during the first year or two without him. But you are right, Bear will always be with you, he will go where ever you go.
    Sending you hugs and lots of good vibes
    Sarah x

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  2. Cruel and heartwrenching. One day in the not too distant future we will have to move too, but Catriona's space is a cabinet with all her bits and pieces and where her candles and flowers are. That will be unchanged. But Bear is in your heart, he is with you wherever you go. Gosh, that sounds like the e e cummings poem, doesn't it? Identical sentiment, not as well crafted x

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