It has all kicked off since my radio4 interview this morning. The Times, my old employer, is running a big piece on my story this Saturday. The BBC want to do more live radio work, the photographer has been over.... I'm kaput.
I feel strangely honoured to be thrown into the limelight and be able to tell my story. After all, it's the only thing I want to do, anyway. If I could sit and talk about Bear all day, I would be a happy woman. It makes him feel close. And now his gorgeous face is going to be in a national broadsheet, and I am going to feel so proud.
I am going to be a proud Mummy. And I never thought I would get to say that.
It is lucky he's such a handsome boy.
So proud of you for doing that! If anything ends up online, please share the link!!
ReplyDeleteAW thats so nice Alice. I wish you luck
ReplyDeletexoxo
I listened to your interview, which was incredibly moving and and very brave of you to share at such a tough time for you, but has undoubtedly helped to raise awareness. I wish you all the best and will follow your blog.
ReplyDeleteI listened to your interview on the Today programme and cried my eyes out. Our son Ivor was stillborn in December (I was 9 days overdue and had gone into labour before discovering he had died probably only hours previously), and his death was also "unexplained" following a post-mortem. I share many of your concerns about ante-natal care and the lack of research into stillbirth so I felt compelled to write to you to say thank you for speaking up and being so brave. I hope you're managing to heal the best you can, Bear is very beautiful.
ReplyDeleteWell done for being so brave to share your story, my gorgeous daughter, Sophie, was stillborn at 37.5 weeks and I have been fund raising for SANDS, also done 3 newspaper interviews and trying to raise awareness. Bear is absolutely beautiful! I totally understand what you mean by feeling them close when you get to talk about your baby.
ReplyDeleteCheryl xxxx
Hope you are keeping strong xxxx
I heard you on the programme this morning. I thought you are so brave and I am sure what you are doing now will help you enormously in your mourning.Unlike you I tried not to face what had happened to me. I lost Elizabeth 34 years ago. When I heard you on the radio, it reminded me of my own experience as there was no explanation and she had gone full term. Only last year did I hold a naming service and visit the burial plot. In those days, my child was removed and I never saw her. No counselling was offered and I was expected to just get on with my life. It is tragic hearing about the statistics today. I find it unbelievable that even after over 30 years the statistics of still birth has not improved.I am sure you will find healing in what you are doing and the part you are playing in raising awareness. I wish you and all your family all the best and hope you are supporting one another. Thank you for being so brave.
ReplyDeleteLittle Bear is precious. And you are a very brave and wonderful mommy. My little boy was stillborn a year before Bear. What keeps me going when I'm at my lowest is thinking of how perfect he was and how I want to make him proud. I know Bear is very proud of you. It's an awful thing to go through, but it's also wonderful that these perfect little creatures graced us with their presence for their short and blissful lives and that they will always be with us. Not in the way we had hoped; but in a different, very powerful way. My heart goes out to you. Keep on keepin' on, and well done.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing a great thing. I hope you are able to raise the awareness that your country (and mine) needs.
ReplyDeleteDear Alice, I woke up to your interview yesterday morning and within minutes I was shouting at the radio - "Yes", "you're so right", "that's exactly what happened to me"... With my first son, I got a serious infection at 36 weeks which resulted in me having an emergency c-section - and I'm convinced that this chance event saved his life! I didn't even get the 2 scans you described - just one at 22 weeks, performed by a trainee - other than that, the only person who saw me throughout my pregnancy was my pleasant but not too sharp community mid-wife. I was huge - weeks ahead on all indicators - though i am absolutely 100% certain on my dates - but every time i tried to voice concerns with my midwife i was patted on the head & sent on my way. At my last (36 wk) appointment, she said the head had engaged & that she estimated the weight at 6 to 6 & a half pounds. Three days later when the infection (necrotising fasciitis - potentially fatal) kicked in, I rang the hospital at 6am in terrible pain and was told by a bored sounding midwife that it was probably "mild discomfort from my milk coming in - but if i really wanted to be reassured I could come in - though i should have my breakfast first, as i was in for a long wait"!!!) To cut a long story short, I was scanned at the hospital and the baby's weight was estimated at 10lb 2oz! i had a c-section under general anesthetic that day & my bouncing son spent 1 day in special care for observation - though they then handed him over as there simply wasn't anything wrong with him. On his hospital tag they wrote "37 weeks???" and several times it was implied that i must have got my dates wrong - which made me pretty furious as, after over a year of trying to conceive, temp charts, ovulation kits etc. i could probably tell when he was conceived to the minute! They just refused to believe - as i do - that some babies just develop faster than the AVERAGE 40 weeks. Even the most generic pregnancy book will tell you that human gestation is between 38 & 42 weeks - and i'm sure theres even more variety than that, if the medical profession just stopped ticking boxes for a minute and bothered to take a closer look. When i got pregnant with my 2nd son (born 3/12/10) I was a huge pain in a**e patient - there was going to be no head-patting this time around. i had dozens of scans - and low & behold severe polyhydramnius (excess fluid around the baby) set in several weeks AFTER the 20 week scan. Even then and despite my history, it took every ounce of badgering i could muster to be allowed to have an elective c-section 1 week off my due date (i.e. 39 weeks). Son no.2 was born a bouncing 8lbs 13oz accompanied by 2.5 litres of fluid but the (head) midwife who was assigned to me told me privately shortly afterwards that he was a "very lucky boy". When I questioned this, she said that the placenta (or connection to the placenta - i'm not sure) was very "ragged" and it was a good job he came out when he did! No doctor bothered to tell me this nor was any note made of this fact (as far as I know) - yet this is surely exactly the sort of thing that should be recorded if the medical profession are genuinely interested in reducing stillbirths which result from problems with the placenta during the end stage of pregnancies? How do you ever expect make progress with preventing the heartbreak of stillbirth IF YOU'RE NOT LOOKING???
ReplyDeleteBy the time your interview finished, I was in tears - and again when i saw the picture of your beautiful son on this blog. My heart goes out to you. I will be buying the Times tomorrow to read your article and thank you so much for managing to get this issue aired.
dear Alice: Could you plz share the link to your interview?
ReplyDeleteThis is the link to the interview.
ReplyDeletehttp://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_9457000/9457597.stm
My son Griffin was atillborn June 2010. I think he was mis-dated so should have been induced before he died.
My firm belief is that the backlash against medicalising pregnancy and childbirth has gone too far. It is a beautiful and natural thing but it is also one of the hardest physical things that either mother or baby will go through and should be treated as such.
You my dear Alice will continue to give so much to those who NEED help SO desperately. By being honest and open you are helping to heal so many broken hearts. Bear IS famous. He is real and he is very much alive in all of our hearts. BLESS HIM AND YOU AND TOBY xoxoxox
ReplyDeleteThank you for expressing so well to everyone the hurt and pain of having a baby who is born asleep. We always listen to the today program and our story is very similar to yours and we miss our baby daughter more and more each day.
ReplyDeleteWe had 2 scans but also visited the hospital with spotting - we were made feel we were fussing. Like you the PM showed nothing - our baby was perfect....but apparently very big for her age...
I didn't realise the lack of progress in the UK regarding still birth rates - I'm shocked about it as makes me think even more that my daughter should be here with me now.
Lots of love - you are honouring Bears short life brilliantly.
I just wanted to say how your story made me cry this morning and so did your blog. I wish you and your husband all the very best in the future. Your little Bear looks beautiful. I know you will remember him for ever. And I'm sure he loved his special time spent with you, inside you. There is nothing that I can say except platitudes, but I send you love too.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the link. It was beautiful..and sad..Lots of love to baby Bear.
ReplyDeleteBear is one of the most beautiful baby boys I have ever seen; he looks wonderful and you must be so proud. Your story has made me cry and I want to send you my love xx
ReplyDeleteThank you for your brave and eloquent article in the Times. Sharing your grief has brought comfort to me after sharing a similar loss.
ReplyDeleteDear Alice, I have just found your blog and so wanted to get in touch to thank you for being so tremendously eloquent and dignified. You are being the best possible Mother to dear Bear and your words express so exactly what I felt when our little Edward died during labour at 41 weeks (in January 2008) the fact that once you wanted time to do nothing in and now all you want to be doing is mopping up sick and waking up at 1 am then 3 am. The bleak blackness does fade and you will feel normal again but normal plus your precious little boy and whatever happens you are his mother and he will be part of your family - you are honouring him so very well. With love xxx
ReplyDeleteHave just cried over your piece in The Times - brought lots of emotions flooding back. I lost twins (identical girls) in 1998. Again, post mortem revealed nothing. But I have gone on to have a wonderful daughter and son and I hope you will have similar joyful experiences in the future. You will never forget Bear but it will get easier.
ReplyDeleteOur second child, May, died at 34 weeks and was born on New Years Eve 2010. As for so many others the results of the post mortem were inconclusive and she was a perfectly healthy baby. I just wanted to add my support to your website, and to say how brave you are for raising awareness and reducing the taboos about stillbirth. Love, Anna x
ReplyDeleteDear Alice,
ReplyDeleteI am in awe of you and Toby having read your Times article this weekend. You are a wonderful mother and Bear is so lucky that you are his.
Best wishes,
Izzy Pysanczyn (York)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThank you Alice for opening up your heart to share with us all your time with Bear. Your strength is inspirational. www.stillatbirth.com
ReplyDeleteDear Alice, our story is so similar. Our daughter Isabelle Rose died at 39.5 weeks. A friend of your parents, Beth is also a friend of mine, Marg Inghram in Australia and told me about you. My book Still at Birth has just been published in the hope to help reduce the number of stillbirts. www.stillatbirth.com
ReplyDelete