There are a lot of us.
I knew that before - the 1 in 200 births statistic meant I was aware that there are many other couples blighted by baby loss and sadness. Now though, I actually feel part of a new community.
It isn't somewhere I ever expected to find myself. But I'm here. Connected in person, via email and in amongst the big, sprawling internet, talking to others who understand where I'm coming from.
We kind of lost out on baby friends when Bear died. They were all there, poised at the ready. We shared antenatal classes and were going to share breast-feeding dilemmas, walks in the park. That group kind of dissolved, from where we are standing, when the boy feel into his Big Sleep.
You lose a lot when this happens. Who cares, you might think, about those other couples that you barely knew. I do. I liked them and I still think about their exciting journeys.
Now though, I have a new group of Bear friends. And in the circumstances, they are just as important. Heck, they're more important, even though some of them live thousands of miles away.
Nearer to home I have my Fairy Godfriend. She's been here, four years ago. She knows. She sits and talks to me for hours and nods and agrees and just makes things easier. It's a total bonus that's she's kind and lovely and funny too. From nowhere, she's become extremely important in my life. And I cannot thank her enough.
Further away there are others who send hope. I feel hugged from many directions from people who barely even know my name. I underestimated strangers before Bear died.
Thank you everyone.
I think it's hard for those parents who continue to have their children to know what to say to us because so quickly we fail to be able to relate to their situation, and theirs to ours. I find I've been avoided, almost like a plague, by the parents of the living babies... as if baby loss is contagious. It's terrible.
ReplyDeleteIt's a funny thing, to see how some people really sparkle and shine at difficult times, while others shy away and fade into the background. I'm happy for you to have a Fairy Godfriend who sparkles. :)
I felt the exact same way when Bobby died. I was a part of Baby Centre and made so many friends through my birth board and suddenly we had nothing to talk about anymore apart from my grief, but lets face it, there are only so many times you can go over the same thing with people who have never been there and who are trying to think positive for when their little ones arrive. You do find through your Angel that those who you think will be there arent, and those who you never expected to, are. xox
ReplyDelete