I don't know how I feel today.
I am still buzzing from all the donations and yet I feel heavy, very heavy, all at the same time.
I am lonely too.
It is strange. When your life gets squeezed by such a painful vice, family and friends rally around. They make sure you spend as little time as possible alone. They fill your inbox and your mobile phone with beautiful messages. But still, despite all the words and the hugs and the sincere nods, I've never felt so isolated.
I am alone in my journey - and that is one of the hardest things of all. Alone, surrounded by all the love in the world.
And the worst thing is that as time passes, I get the feeling that my Bear story, my ever evolving, beautiful, tragic relationship with my only child, is less and less acceptable in everyday conversation. It isn't that people don't want to listen, they do. It's just that they think talking about our loss will make us sadder than we already are.
And yet, nothing, could be further from the truth.